Because of Them
by Sacred-Amaranth
Summary: You can't escape what's inside you. Albus and Minerva's daughter reflects on her childhood: the pain, loneliness, and the neglect, wondering if after sixteen years, she should finally make peace with her mother. Post HBP.
1. Chapter 1

Title- Because Of Them

Rating- T

Summary- Albus and Minerva's daughter thinks about her childhood.

~Chapter 1~

I stare at the newspaper in front of me. It is all about the death of Albus Dumbledore and the funeral that was to take place tomorrow. I have heard about his death long before the prophet arrived this morning. Mostly from colleagues at the ministry who knew him personally and were devastated over his death or from those who were terrified that Dumbledore had died while they were in the middle of a war. I however, felt nothing over his death. No fear and certainly no grief. No one thought much of it though. After all, they know that I attended Beauxbatons as a child and would know almost nothing about him. They were all mistaken however for I did indeed know him. Much more than anyone knew for I, Adara McGowan am actually Adara Dumbledore.

Yes, I am one of the 3 children born to Albus Dumbledore, headmaster at Hogwarts and his Deputy (wife in private) Minerva McGonagall. It was a secret known to only a handful of people meant to protect the children but honestly, all it did was hurt them. You might think "Oh with such a man like Albus Dumbledore for a father their childhood must have been grand!" Well, those people could never be more wrong!

I walk out to my balcony and stare at the night sky. I think of my childhood. For many children it is supposed to be a happy and wonderful time. For me, it was hell. It was in the middle of a war and it didn't help that the whole world depended on my father and my mother had a whole school to run. My parents would never admit it but me and my brothers always came 4th in their lives. 1st it was the wizading world, 2nd was the school, 3rd was each other, and 4th was their children. Often as a child I'd watch my father cancel plans with my mother. I knew he hated to do that but still, it bothered me. What bothered me even more was that my mother was never angry about it. Yes, she'd be a bit disappointed but would never be angry. Once when I was younger I asked her why she was never upset with my father for canceling their plans. My mother stared at me a long time before answering. "Adara, I love your father with all of my heart. He is everything to me. And when you love someone as much as I love your father, you'll do anything for them" At that time, I admired the way my mother cared so much about my father, but as I grew I pitied it.

I started out loving my parents as any small child would but then gradually I lost my respect for them to the point where I hated them. My eldest brother Alberic and my younger brother Aidan were more understanding and loved our parents unconditionally. Something I couldn't do. I remember being envious of them for this ability but just like my mother's love for my father, I pitied it. When our parents disappointed them by canceling activities they were devastated while I, who was already used to it, felt nothing.

By the time I was a teenager I had become a completely different person. I no longer smiled or laughed and dressed in head to toe in black. My blue eyes identical to my father's, without the twinkle was hidden behind black eyeliner and eye shadow. My hair the same as my mothers was often streaked with various colors. I wore short black leather skirts, black tube tops, and fishnet gloves and stockings gave me the look of a thug off the streets. My tattoo on my lower back and multiple piercings on my ears, navel, and tongue didn't help.

Often I would make a sad attempt at sneaking into the house in the wee hours of the morning drunk and high. My parents would always be on the couch in their nightclothes waiting for me. When I did come home my mother would yell at me and drag me to bed. My father did nothing however. He'd sit on the couch starring at her with an odd look in his eyes which I always assumed was anger. Looking back now I realize that it wasn't anger but disappointment and pain. He never took part in disciplining me until one night

"I can't believe you Adara! Is this how it's going to be every night? Having to wait until 3 in the morning until you come back from god knows where drunk and high?!? What kind of example are you setting for your brother?" My mother would say.

"You're one to talk about setting an example! You two who are never here and practically abandon us! Face it; you're a failure as a mother!" I'd bite back.

That's when my father stepped in.

"Adara, you have no right to speak to us that way! We are your parents!"

"No you aren't! All you did was fuck each other and got landed with us. You never gave a shit about us! You cared more about the children in Hogwarts than your own!"

"That's enough! You will apologize to your mother and me and go to bed!"

"No, that's it. I've had enough with this shit. I'm leaving!"

"Oh? And where will you go?"

"Anywhere! Anywhere is better than this hell hole!"

I summoned my trunk and belongings and walked to the door. I turned around to face them before I left.

"One good thing came out of being your daughter. While the rest of the world sees you as a hero and their savior, I know the truth. You're nothing but a bastard!"

I pointed to my mother

"And she is your prize."

That was the last time I ever saw either of my parents. I moved out of the house before I started my 7th year at Beauxbatons and didn't even see them at my graduation. I still kept in touch with my brothers though who would often beg me to make peace with my parents. I said I would when I was ready. The days turned to weeks that turned to months which quickly turned to years. Now it's too late to reconcile with both my parents. In my mind I'm debating whether or not to reconcile with my mother who I'm positive is in the depths of sorrow. I wouldn't be too surprised the prophet contained news of her death sometime soon. I was correct in pitying her and my brothers for their love for my father. But I was also correct in envying them for although my father was rarely there for his children, he loved us all very much and he showed it every way he could. But I wonder. Can a few memories of love and joy make up for a childhood of pain and loneliness?


	2. Chapter 2

~ Chapter 2~

"Mum, please. You have to eat something. You've got to keep up your strength" Aiden begged his mother.

Minerva turned around on the bed to face the other side, instead of her youngest son. She couldn't bear seeing the pained look on his face. Especially when she was the one causing it.

"Dad wouldn't have wanted this" Aiden argued.

Minerva turned around abruptly. "Well he didn't want a lot of things to happen, did he? He didn't want the Potter's to die, he didn't want Umbridge in the school, but she still came! He didn't want Fudge to ever have been Minister but somehow that stupid oaf got it , didn't he? And he sure as hell didn't want to lose her but she still left didn't she?" Minerva calmed down a little after that last statement. "Don't you see Aiden? Your father didn't want a lot of things to happen, but they still happened anyway." She finished with tears streaming down her face.

Aiden stepped back, tears slowly filling his emerald eyes. "I-I'm sorry mum."

"Leave me be, Aiden. Please" begged his mother as she turned around once more.

Aiden obliged and left the room, wiping away his tears. He entered the sitting room, where he found his older brother Alberic sitting on the couch, pouring a glass of wine for himself. He offered one to Aiden, who refused.

"So how is she today?" He asked after a long gulp.

"Same as yesterday. Refusing to eat, just lying there in her own little world."

"Did mum mention her again?" Alberic asked in an annoyed tone.

Aiden glared, the fiery temper that ran in their genes rapidly rising. "Why doesn't anyone ever say her name? It's always her."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Do you want to call her by another of her various nicknames? Bitch? Whore? Selfish Slut? Traitor? Do any of these catch your fancy?"

"Why must you be like that? Always focusing on the negative."

"Well there isn't exactly anything left after the negative." Alberic answered coolly.

"You can lie to yourself if you like, brother. But don't bother lying to me. I know you still love her, you still care about Adara."

"Ah yes. That was her name! Adara! My memory is becoming intensively clear! Yes, I remember everything so perfectly now! Adara! That one girl who looked like a whore, dressed like a whore, acted like one. The alcoholic bitch who did nothing but drugs and alcohol and whined constantly about how her life was so cruel and unfair. Yes, sounds of my childhood are becoming so perfectly clear now!" Alberic ranted. He raised his wine glass "Long live Adara! The bitchiest whore in the world!"

Aiden pulled out his wand and pointed it at his brother "You would never understand what Adara went through. What she still goes through!. Especially now that you won't even speak to her anymore!"

Alberic, calmly put his younger brother's wand down and grasped him firmly by the shoulders. This time he spoke seriously. "Aiden, I spent most of my life trying to keep the peace between our parents and our sister. You wouldn't remember, you were much too young. They were always bickering. I can promise you, the best thing that ever happened in their lives was when they broke apart. They are much happier this way."

"Maybe before, but not now. Mum wants to make peace with Adara. Especially now with dad gone and the war raging on. Please, you have to help me convince Adara. Dad would've wanted this."

Alberic let go of his brother. He walked over to the table and took a long gulp, finishing his drink. "Very well. We shall inform the Order of our plans. With luck, they'll be able to help us."

Aiden smiled brightly and hugged his brother.


	3. Chapter 3

~Chapter 3~

"So Minerva finally wishes to make amends with Adara?" asked Moody as he took a gulp from his hip flask, after the two brothers filled the Order in on the events that had just taken place.

"No, I daresay she's wanted to for a while. It's only now that she's admitting to it." Answered Aiden as he looked around at the other listening order members.

"Well, no excuse like being on your death bed to get your child running back to you, eh?"Answered Dung, earning glares from Molly, Tonks, and Hermione and a whack on the head from Moody.

"How could someone do this to their own family? Just walk out on them like that and never speak to them again?" asked Harry angrily.

"Oh its possible, and quite easily done, might I add." Said , thinking of his son Percy.

"What can we do to help?" asked , with tears in her eyes.

"I was hoping either Tonks or Kingsley knew anything about her. Which part of the ministry she worked, where she lives…any information that would be of use to us."

"I don't know if I can be of much help to you there. I only know her as my boss, and just the fact that she's one of the best aurors the Ministry ever had." Said Tonks apologetically. " You should ask Kingsley though. He'd know, after all he dated her for a few years."

"TONKS!" hissed Kingsley across the room.

"You what!?!" exclaimed Aiden.

"How could that possibly surprise you? Siamese twins sleep alone more than Adara does!" exclaimed Alberic as he shook his head at his brother's shock.

To everyone's surprise, it wasn't Aiden who responded, but Kingsley. "How dare you. Up until 30 seconds ago you didn't even know where your sister worked, or even where she lived and yet here you go making false accusations and judgments! If you must know, my relationship with Adara was much more than just a few fun nights every now and then. It was an actual meaningful and loving relationship! One that I had hoped would last forever…."

"Calm down, lad. Alberic didn't mean it. Right Alberic?" asked Moody as he stepped in front of the taller, younger man in an attempt to calm him down.

"Of course." Said Alberic quickly, clearly intimidated. "So are you going to help us out or what?"  
Kingsley glared at the auburn haired man and his obnoxious attitude. Fighting the urge to hex him.

"Please, Kingsley?" pleaded Aiden.

Kingsley sighed. "Alright. I'll assist you as much as I can."

"Thanks, mate." Said Alberic as he clapped Kingsley on the back, smiling.

Kingsley shrugged the other man off. "I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this for Adara. She deserves all the happiness in the world and this may grant her that."

Aiden smiled at the older man's gesture towards his sister.

"Well than lead the way. Off to Adara's house we go!" said Alberic brightly.

"Wait! I want to go with you." Said Harry as he stood up to catch up with the other three men.

"Harry! It's none of your business! This is between their family!" exclaimed Hermione.

"I know! It's just….I feel slightly responsible for the split between them. Dumbledore spent a lot of time focusing on me and ended up losing his family." He said sadly

Aiden turned around and looked Harry straight in the eye "Harry, what happened to our family was not your fault. I don't want you to ever feel responsible for it. However, if you truly feel responsible for what happened you may come along. That way you can get some closure."

Alberic grinned. "Alright then. The more the merrier. See you all later!"

The four wizards walked out of Grimmauld Place where the all apparated away to Adara's home, ready to meet their sister face to face for the first time in 16 years.


	4. Chapter 4

~Chapter 4~

I sighed in frustration as I heard my clock ring six times, signaling that it was now six o'clock. Scrimgeour was supposed to come by my apartment over an hour ago to go through reports of Voldemort's recent activities and plans on defense against his rising power that needed his approval and signature. "Damn him," I muttered to myself. "You'd think by now we'd have a minister who'd at least be able to tell time."

Just as I was putting all the paperwork away I heard a knock on the door. Rolling my eyes I walked over, ready to throw a fit with the minister for wasting my time. Unfortunately, what I saw made talking impossible for me. Outside my door were four men I had prayed to the gods I would never have to see face to face again.

Two of them were my brothers. The eldest whom I had not spoken to in over ten years because we could never get a sentence out without raising our voices in anger. And the youngest who could never seem to understand that we don't always get what we want or a happy ending in life.

Another, a teenage boy whose identity was obvious from the moment I laid eyes on him by the scar running through his forehead. I'll admit, I felt a jolt of anger and disdain when I discovered who he was. I realize, of course, that it isn't his fault that my parents doted and basically obsessed over him, but I am human and therefore entitled to feel such emotions, no matter how ridiculous and unreasonable they are.

The last man is one who's presence causes me the most pain, for although my past is entwined with all men present, it is closely entwined with his in a very intimate way. I meet Kingsley's eyes briefly but can't stand the pain and sadness so clearly evident in his eyes that has lingered there even after the years that have past since we –I- ended our relationship.

Just as I regained my ability to speak, I notice something about the men's expressions. All of them, with the exception of Kingsley, are looking at me in a rather cross, angry manner. Almost as though I had done something wrong. This irritates me and before I can stop it, the words that tumble out of my mouth come out harsher and much colder than I had intended. "What the hell do you want?" I ask, crossing my arms on my chest.

Immediately, I'm met with glaring eyes from the three men. (Kingsley never got angry with me. No matter how unreasonable I was being. That's one of the things I love –loved- about him) for a split second I freeze, noticing instantly how much my brothers resemble my mother when she's angry. The same piercing eyes turned into slits that used to terrify me as a child. However, just like so many years ago, the fear subsides and I meet their glare with one of my own. Out of the corner of my eye I notice Potter flinch slightly. I smile to myself. I prided myself greatly on my ability to terrify people with just a look. It was very useful when it came to dealing with young, cocky aurors. The pride quickly evaporates when I hear Potter mutter "Bloody hell, she's just like McGonagall when she's ticked off"

I roll my eyes and say rather coldly "If all you're going to do is stand there, glaring at me while making idiotic comparisons then you can just fuck off." I say as I slam the door in their faces.

Just as I was about to walk to my bedroom I hear a loud blast and turn around in time to see Alberic with his wand drawn out with smoke emitting from it and my door in pieces.

"Even after sixteen years you still haven't changed, Adara. When the situation gets too hard you run away." He says to me.

"Yeah? And after sixteen years you're still the same way too. You're still an ass! Was it absolutely necessary to blast my door into splinters?"

"For a normal person, no. It would have been completely unnecessary, not to mention rude. For you however, it's the only reasonable thing to do! It's pathetic really when you think about it. You care about your bloody door than you do your own family! You know, most people who haven't seen their family in sixteen years would at least say "Hi! How are you?' before telling them to fuck off!" Alberic shouts back at me.

Without quite realizing it I pulled out my wand and sent a stinging hex on him. He cries out in pain for a moment before sending a bat boogey hex at me, which I block easily. Before I know it we're dueling in the middle of my living room.

"STOP IT YOU TWO!" Aiden yells from the side as he breaks us apart. I stare at my younger brother for a while in shock. The last time I had seen him he was an eleven year old who was afraid of his own shadow. He at least had changed during the last sixteen years.

Aiden turned to Alberic. "When I asked you to help me find her, it was to show your support, not start a war with her," he said pushing Alberic slightly.

He turned to me and, out of the blue, hugs me. Stunned, I stand there awkwardly, wincing at the tightness of his embrace and raising my arm to slightly pat him on the back. It had been years since I had that kind of contact with someone. Especially with someone I hadn't seen since they were a child.

I notice Potter watching the three of us with wide eyes, almost as though he's watching a play of some sort. Clearly this wasn't what he expected from the great Albus Dumbledore's family. I smile slightly when I see Kingsley fixing my door with his wand and cleaning the mess Alberic and I had made.

When he finally releases me from his death grip, I am slightly alarmed to see tears forming in his eyes and don't quite know what to do, making the situation even more awkward. "Adara, Mum's sick. All this grief is killing her. Please, Adara. We've tried everything to help her but nothing helps. She's fading away with her grief. Please, you have to make up with her! She needs you now more than ever!" he begged, tears streaming down his face.

I shrug away from him. "Maybe he hasn't changed all that much." I think to myself. I stare into his eyes for a moment, concentrating. Within a second I'm into his mind. All he says is true. I see images of my mother lying in bed at night, clutching one of my father's old nightshirts, stroking my father's portrait in an effort to wake him up, Aiden's useless attempts at getting her out of her room or to at least eat something. I wait another moment before replying. "I'm afraid I don't have the time. I've got countless meetings this week, not to mention I've got an entire department to direct and give orders too." I walk back to my desk arranging the papers Scrimgeour neglected. I brace myself for a loud explosion from at least one of my brothers but before they can utter a single word, someone beat them too it.

"You're kidding, right? Your mother is lying on her deathbed, her one wish is to make peace with you or at least see you and you can't even grant her that! Not to mention the fact that you just walked away from your family and haven't seen them in sixteen years! For the life of me, I can't imagine how you got to be one of the heads of the auror department because from what I'm seeing, you're nothing but a spoiled, self-centered brat." Potter yells at me from across the room.

I turn around slowly, vaguely aware that all the objects in my apartment are now levitated. (I always lost control of my magic when I was angry) I walk across the room so I can look at that stupid fucker's eyes. "How dare you! This is none of your concern, none of your business and yet you burst into my home uninvited and have the nerve to lecture on matters you have absolutely no understanding of and insult me! This has nothing to do with you, Potter so get the fuck out of my house!"

Alberic steps in front of me and pushes me roughly against the wall. His face is as angry as I have ever seen it. "If anyone has ever insulted you it's because you have deserved it. You have always claimed that our parents ruined your life and that your life is it shambles because of the trauma and pain they caused you. Well you deserved it. If you are unhappy with your life it's not our parents fault. It's karma. You're a cold-hearted selfish bitch Adara. That's why your life is the way it is."

For some odd reason, his words have such an effect on me. I can't help the tears stinging in my eyes that have started to course down my face. It shocks me that just a few sentences out of my brother's mouth can cause me to break down like this. I hadn't cried in over 25 years, even after seeing the ravages of war and countless friends dying. I notice Alberic's and every other person in the room's face soften at the sight of me crying. They all look slightly guilty, especially Alberic (he never could stand to see me cry), which makes me, feel a slight jolt of happiness, for they truly don't understand anything. With a shaking voice I confront my older brother. "Did I? Did I really deserve everything that happened to me? Did I deserve to have my birthdays forgotten or to constantly have anger taken out of me? Did I deserve to have a father who valued other people's children over his own? You were there, Alberic. You have to remember. Hogwarts always came first! Along with the wizarding world and Potter! Sweet Circe, Potter was always on his mind! Did I really deserve all that, Alberic? Because if I did then tell me, what did I do to deserve all of it!?!? Tell me! What did I do?"

Shocked, Alberic releases me from his grip and I sink to ground, completely dissolved in tears. "Adara, I had no idea…" Alberic starts as he raises his arm to hug me. I brush him off though and instead flick my wand over to the coffee table. The table instantly flips over, revealing my pensieve.

"Look into it," I whisper. "Look through all the memories and maybe you'll understand." I look around the room, silently pleading with my eyes. Alberic gets up slowly and walks over to it, the others follow. With a bright flash all four men are in my pensieve, exploring my memories and unraveling the mysteries of why I am the way I am. As they get pulled through each memory and witness each event, I mentally follow them, remembering each memory and the pain it caused me.


	5. Chapter 5

~Memory One~

A younger looking Dumbledore walks into the living room looking slightly defeated and as though he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. He plops down onto one of the armchairs, clearly exhausted. Just as he's about to drift off to sleep, a young girl about four years old spots him.

"Daddy! Daddy!" She cries out as she runs down the stairs.

Dumbledore cringed as he heard his daughter approach him. She'd probably want him to play with her and he didn't have the energy. He had stayed up the whole night searching for answers on the sightings of a recent dark lord rising to power. Taking a deep breath he smiles at her although he remains laid back on the armchair with his eyes closed already half asleep. "Hello kitten."

"Daddy! Where did you go daddy? I missed you so much." The four-year-old version of Adara tries to get unto his lap but she's too small and to her dismay, her father doesn't help her so she eventually gives up and just continues to smile at him. "Daddy will you play with me?"

He yawns. "I'm sorry kitten. Daddy's very tired. He spent the last two nights working. Maybe next time."

Adara pouts. "That's what you said last time. Please daddy. Just one game of exploding snap. Please."

"Not right now, kitten. Maybe your mother can play with you."

Adara shook her head. "She said she had a lot of meetings today and she doesn't have any time.

"And your brother?"

"Over at Hagrid's hut."

"Well there you go. Why don't you play with Hagrid?"

"I already did. Besides, I want to play with you."

"No, Adara."

"Please? Just one game."

"Adara, I said no! Now stop pestering me so I can get some rest!"

Tears spilled from Adara's blue eyes as she ran up to her room. She collapsed onto her bed dissolving into tears. Trying to forget the fact that not only had her father snapped at her, but that neither him or her mother had remembered to wish her a happy birthday.


	6. Chapter 6

~Memory Two~

Minerva walked into her living room, giving a small smile as she watched her daughter read through her fairy tale book. She stared in awe as she listened to her daughter read through the whole story perfectly without any errors. At the back of her mind she wondered when Adara had gotten so good at reading. In fact, she didn't even know Adara could read in the first place. She stopped her thoughts when she heard Adara finish the end of one story.

"Alright little one. Time for bed." Minerva said as she took the book gently from her daughter's hands.

"Mummy, when's dad coming home?" asked Adara.

"Soon darling. Very soon." She answered as usual

Adara rolled her eyes and sighed "You always say that!"

"And its always true! You're father will be here sooner than you know it."

Adara scoffed. "That's what you said three weeks ago."

"Adara…" The last thing Minerva wanted to do at the moment was to argue with her daughter so she hastily changed the subject. "You know, I'm very proud of you, Adara. You can read so well now. Who taught you how to read?"

"No one taught me. How could they? No one's ever here. Alberic is always at Hagrid's hut and it's just me with the house-elves. I had to learn by myself"

"Well in any case, I'm still very proud of you." She hugged her daughter but her daughter just shrugged her off.

"You would have been proud of me last year. After all, that's when I learned how to read." Said Adara icily.

"Oh…" Minerva said as her face fell.

Adara sighed and stood up, walking away from her mother. "Don't worry mum. I'm going to bed already, so you can go back to grading your papers. We both know that's what you'd rather be doing anyway."

Before Minerva could reply to her daughter's rather obnoxious statement, Adara was already in her room and locked her door, completely unaware that her mother was reduced to tears from the red- hot blade of her words.


	7. Chapter 7

~Memory Three~

Albus laughed with his oldest son who had just finished telling him a joke. Ever since the dark lord Voldemort had come to power, he scarcely saw his children, especially with the school year going on. Although he and Minerva did run Hogwarts, they had decided it would be much safer if Adara and Alberic attended other schools, so Adara studied in Beauxbatons and Alberic in Durmstrang, thus allowing Albus very little, if any, time with his children. Even his youngest child Aiden, who lived with Minerva and him at Hogwarts, rarely saw Albus. All these circumstances made Albus cherish every single minute with his children. His children understood and cherished the time as well. Except one of them, that is.

"Albus! Albus, get up here quickly please!" Minerva's voice, quivering from rage, called from upstairs.

Albus paused. Assuming it was himself Minerva was angry with, he mentally went through what he did that day and yet could not find anything that would make her this angry. His musings didn't last long, however, as he saw Minerva dragging a fidgeting figure dressed in black down the stairs. One look at the person's face and he already had a general idea of what had happened. "Adara," he sighed. "What has she done now?" he looked towards Minerva.

Minerva looked at her fourteen year-old daughter. "Go on, show your father what you've done."

Adara rolled her eyes and merely plugged her magical ipod into her ears, ignoring her mother.

Albus took the opportunity to look over at her. She had changed so much these past few years. Not just the changes all young adults go through as they go into their teenage years. She had taken to wearing only black clothes, accessorized outrageously, usually metal chains or something similar, giving her the look as though she had just escaped from Azkaban. Her ebony hair was now streaked with purple. Her blue eyes, so like his, were partially hidden by the thickness of the black eyeliner she now wore. It was then at taking a long glance at his daughter's eyes that he realized a crucial difference between his eyes and her's. Her eyes lacked the twinkle his eyes were often described as having .In fact; they weren't even the sparkling blue his were. They were reduced to a dull dark shade of blue. And he knew that it wasn't just because at the moment she was rather cross with her mother. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen her eyes twinkle. Why, he couldn't even remember the last time he had heard her laugh or seen her smile! He snapped out of his thoughts as he heard his wife's sharp voice.

"Take those damn headphones out of your ears!" Minerva exclaimed as she pulled out the headphones, causing Adara to hiss in pain. "Now show your father what you've done!"

"Fine" Adara said coolly. She stuck out her tongue at Albus. At first, he assumed it was a rude gesture until he noticed a small circle shaped piece of silver shining on her tongue.

Albus sighed and looked towards his daughter who rolled her eyes, clearly annoyed by her mother's presence.

"It's not that big of a deal. Mum's just flipping out over nothing."

"Over nothing?!?!?! Over nothing?!?!?! You deliberately disobeyed me."

"Why are you so upset, mum? You didn't seem to mind when Adara got her navel pierced."

Minerva gaped and looked between her two oldest children,

Albus turned to his oldest son. "Alberic, I think it's best if you head over to your room."

Alberic, who was enjoying watching his mother scold his sister, sighed. "But dad…."

"Now, son." He said sharply.

Alberic nodded and walked up the stairs to his room, but not before shooting a rather nasty smirk to his sister.

Adara rolled her eyes. "Bloody snitch" she muttered as she turned to walk back up the stairs to her room.

Furious, Minerva grabbed her daughter's arm roughly, with a bit more force then necessary, sending her crashing onto the ground hard.

"Who the hell do you think you are?!?!?!?" asked Adara as she rubbed her quickly bruising arm.

"Well, let's see. I carried you for 9 months, and spent 17 excruciating hours of labor giving birth to you. I daresay I'm your mother." Said Minerva dryly.

"By your definition." Adara retorted venomously.

"Excuse me?!?!"

"Meaning, there's more to being a parent that just popping out a kid and seeing them two or three times a year."

"Oh Merlin, is this what this is all about? Adara, we discussed this. So many times, we've discussed this."

"Yes, yes. I know how this dance goes. You glance at us one day, notice that we're not the toddlers we were the last time you looked at us, get depressed at how you've missed out on so much of our lives, and beg me, Aiden, and Alberic to answer you honestly and tell you if you're a good mother. We lie through our teeth and tell you that you're an excellent mother, and that you're just not around as much as we'd like. You start to tear up and promise to be there for us more. We hug, kiss, and make up, all looking forward to a new happy future. But then the next morning arrives and as usual, you're both gone, the conversation from the night before is forgotten and soon the cycle begins again. Over and over and over again." Adara said coldly as she looked her mother straight in the eye.

Minerva stared at her daughter stunned. She took several deep breaths to ensure that she wouldn't break down in front of her daughter, for that was how much her daughter's words had affected her. Not because it was said in such a harsh manner, but because more or less, it was true..

Albus also stared at Adara, speechless. For once in his life, he could not think of one single intelligent thing to say. And honestly, he didn't think he had a right to respond to what Adara had just said. This was the problem with Albus. While Minerva had no problem disciplining the children, even if it meant that the first words out of her mouth after months of not seeing her child were words being used to scold them. He never felt as though he had a right to scold his children and therefore never did.

"So what would you have me do, Adara. Choose between the children at Hogwarts and my own children?" asked Minerva as she blinked back the tears that were threatening to spill down her face.

Adara snorted. "Of course not. Why would I even bother? We both know what your answer would be." She turned away and began to walk back up to her room.

By then, Minerva didn't even bother trying to hold back the tears that had recently emerged from her daughter's recent statement, which also in a sense was true. "You know, your brothers understand the situation your father and I are in. Why can't you?"

Adara stopped halfway to the second floor and turned towards her mother. "I guess I'm just the screw-up."

Before Minerva could stop herself, she blurted out the one thing she should have never said. "Yes, I suppose you are."

Adara winced, which Minerva was painfully aware of. "Well, at least we've agreed on something, Mother" she turned around and ran the rest of the way to her room where she locked the door and collapsed onto the floor, succumbing to the tears, which quickly consumed her. Blindly, she raised her sleeve up to her elbow, revealing crimson slashes, all of different age and length. She reached for her razor began adding new cuts to her mutilated arm. Little by little, she felt her grief and depression fade away with each cut she made. She breathed a sigh of relief and welcomed the stinging pain she felt replacing her inner turmoil.


	8. Chapter 8

~Memory 4~

Aiden glanced at his toy broomstick warily. His father had just given it to him earlier in an effort to try and spark some quidditch interest in him but so far, Aiden was still to scared to even sit on his broomstick and still jumped a few feet whenever the broom would start to move.

Suddenly, the door burst open and a figure thoroughly covered by a long black cloak stepped into the house dragging a large trunk.. Aidan let out a terrified squeal and took cover behind the couch.

The figure removed her cloak, revealing a fifteen-year-old girl dressed in a rather tight black top with matching black pants accessorized with heavy metal chains. Her shoulder length black hair had dark violet streaks and her gorgeous blue eyes hidden by the dark eyeliner. The girl herself would have been enough to terrify anyone but Aiden knew who she was and immediately let out a sigh of relief as the fear subsided, for the girl was his older sister Adara.

Adara rolled her eyes as she observed her brothers rather cowardly behavior. "Fuck, Aiden. You're so pathetic. You practically had a heart attack when I walked in"

"I did not." Aiden pouted.

Adara rolled her eyes again. "Whatever. Are mother and father here or is it just us again."

"Nope! They're upstairs and they'll be here all week!" said Aiden brightly.

Adara snorted in disbelief. "I doubt that. They'll probably be gone later today."

Aiden glared at his sister. "No they won't. They promised they'd be here for the whole holiday!"

"I doubt that. Give it a moment or two. They'll be gone." Leaned across the back of the couch with her arms over her chest waiting.

Sure enough, about 5 minutes later Albus came running down the stairs with Minerva close behind him. The first and last words out of his mouth being "Move, Adara." As he grabbed his cloak and stormed out the door.

Aiden was shocked at his parent's abrupt behavior and grabbed his mother's hand in an attempt to stop her. "Mummy, where are you going? You promised you'd stay here with us all week!"

Minerva stopped trying to put on her cloak and bent down to Aiden's level. "I'm sorry dearest. But mummy and daddy have been called away, something important has come up."

Aiden sniffed and wiped away at a few of the tears that had made its way down his face. "It's alright, mummy. I understand."

Minerva smiled tenderly at her son and hugged him tightly, giving him a kiss on the forhead, which Aiden returned whole-heartedly.

Adara, on the other hand, felt quite ignored. Ignored and annoyed, but not quite hurt and not at all surprised.

Just as Minerva was almost out the door, Adara cleared her throat loudly. Minerva turned and just noticed her daughter standing there looking quite annoyed. Hearing her husband call her name and tel her to hurry up, she continued striding out the door. "Look after your brother," she called over her shoulder.

The door shut itself, leaving the two siblings alone in the house. Aiden continued to stare at the door, more tears making its way down his face. Adara got up from her position and opened her parents liquor cabinet, taking a few minutes to carefully consider her selection.

Aiden stared at his sister, completey bewildered by the fact that she was completely unaffected by their parents abrupt change of plans, while he was crushed with disappointment. "Aren't you upset that mum and dad changed the plans?" he asked.

Adara picked a bottle of sherry and opened it, pouring herself a generous serving. "Not at all."

"Why not?" asked Aiden, completely shocked.

Adara swirled the sherry around in her cup before answering. "Aiden, it's not the first time Mother and Father have backed out on their plans, and I can assure you it won't be the last." She lifted her glass towards her brother, toasting to him. "Here's to you, Aiden. Happy fucking Christmas!" She drained the entire goblet in one swallow, proving that she wasn't an amateur drinker.

"See you later, midget." She called as she made her way up the stairs to her room, a few extra bottles of sherry and the goblet in her hand..

Aiden stared at the liquor cabinet his sister had forgotten to close. Still a bit upset and disappointed in the change of events, he decided to follow his sister's lead. Choosing a green bottle, he opened it without much difficulty and began to drink, delighting in the sweetness of the beverage and the warmness her felt in his chest, eating away at his disappointment.

~The Next Day ~

"Howdy Mummy!" Aiden slurred as he waved enthusiastically to his mother.

Minerva smiled as she reached the top of the staircase and saw her youngest son already awake and waiting for her. The winter holidays had already begun, but she had yet to spend any time with her children.

"Hello sweetheart." Minerva held her arms open for her son.

Aiden grinned and ran over to his mother. Or, at least her tried to. Minerva noticed right away that something was off and immediately grew concerned.

"Are you alright, darling?" Minerva asked, gently cupping Aiden's face.

"Fantastic!" Aiden exclaimed.

"If you insist," said Minerva warily. "Have you eaten breakfast yet?"

"No. I'm not hungry. I drank a lot of the magic lemonade." He slurred as he walked over to the table and took a long sip from his cup.

Minerva's eyes immediately narrowed in suspician. "What magic lemonade, Aiden?"

Aiden reached for the cup and handed it to Minerva, spilling a few drops in the process.

Minerva sniffed it suspiciously and took a few sips. It was then that everything clicked. "Adara….." she hissed. Quickly, she waved her hand, summoning a large glass of water.

She bent down to Aiden's level and handed him the glass. "Here, darling. Stay right here and drink this, alright?"

"Yes, mummy"

"Good boy" she whispered, feeling a surge of affection for her son, as she stroked and laid a kiss on her child's head.

Minerva stood up and headed down the hall to her other child's room, one who Minerva wasn't particularly feeling a surge of affection for, at the moment. She rapped three times on the door loudly.

"ugh, go away" Adara muttered from inside, not making any attempt to open the door.

Minerva waved her wand, blasting Adara's door open.

Adara groaned, clutching her head in an attempt to try and stop the unbearable throbbing.

"I don't believe this. Not only do you give your little brother a margarita, but you're intoxicated as well." Minerva glanced around the room, noticing all the empty bottles of sherry, firewhiskey, and vodka along with empty packets of cigarettes.

Adara rose from the bed rather clumsily, swaying slightly as she stood. "Ok, first off, I'm not drunk. I'm just exhausted because I spent the night drinking. Second, I didn't give Aiden anything. The little brat went and got it himself from your liquor cabinet.

Minerva glared at her daughter, arms crossed, clearly disgusted with Adara's behavior. "I don't know what to say to you, Adara, All I ask is that you watch over Aiden while your father and I are on Order missions and meetings and Alberic is on an internship at the ministry. And what happens? You end up completely intoxicated and Aiden is on the way to being intoxicated himself. Do you realize what could have happened?"

"What the hell do you mean 'all I ask'? I come home from Beauxbatons. Dad knocks me over as he ran out the door with you right behind him, and you called over your shoulder, something about Aiden. There was no question involved. Only orders!" said Adara, indignantly as she sat down on her desk. Her mood visibly improved as she noticed that one of the sherry bottles still had about a quarter left. Smiling, she brought the bottle to her lips, anticipating the soothing burn, until Minerva knocked it out of her hand,

"When did you become such a drinker?"

"Started when I was ten. It's not like you were around to notice though. So it's really no big deal if Aiden takes a few swigs every now and then. He's what, nine now?"

"Try seven"

"Close enough" Adara shrugged as she continued looking through the other bottles.

"Just wait until your father hears about this." Minerva muttered as she walked out of the room.

Adara let out a snort of laughter. "And when will that be, mother? In a year? A year and a half?"

Minerva made a slight grimace, which Adara didn't notice, and turned around. "You make it seem as though your father and I choose to spend as little time with you all as possible."

"I call it as I see it."

Minerva sighed and laid a hand on Adara's shoulder, not entirely surprised when Adara pulled away. Hurt, she decided to give up and return to Aiden. She was already out the door when Adara's voice stopped her.

"It's probably a good thing the family's a secret. Otherwise dad would have to face a hell of a lot of embarrassment."

Minerva whirled around. This little spat had turned into something she couldn't ignore.

"Excuse me?"

"You know, the whole deal about fucking his deputy, getting her pregnant, having to marry her, and then popping out 2 more kids. One a pompous self-centered prat, the other a complete screw up, as she was lovingly called, and the last one a total coward whose afraid of his own shadow. That's a whole lot of shit on someone most people consider the greatest wizard in the world. Can't really blame dad for wanting to shush it all up."

Angry and disgusted beyond belief, Minerva did the one thing she vowed she would never do to any of her children. She raised her left hand and struck Adara hard across the face, leaving a red mark and a rather nasty scratch from (ironically) her wedding ring.

Adara let out a small gasp at the sudden sting she felt at her face and the warm blood dripping down her face. This was the first time her mother had ever really gotten physical with her. Normally she would just reply something equally harsh and cruel before storming off to be with Aiden or Alberic. Adara honestly did not expect to get slapped. Stunned, she stared at her mother with a shocked expression while gingerly touching her face.

Minerva was just as stunned at what she had done and stared at Adara's face with horror at how it was starting to swell and quite a bit of blood was oozing down her face. "A-Adara I'm so sorry. I don't know-"

But before she could finish, Adara ran right past her. "Stay the hell away from me." She whispered as she ran out of the house


	9. Chapter 9

~Memory 5~

Adara crawled into the second floor window cautiously, as to not make any noise. It was around 4 am and the last thing she wanted was another pointless lecture from her mother. Just as she had gotten completely inside, her foot brushed against her mother's miniature statue of Athena, knocking it on top of her hip. Cursing, she carefully placed the statue back on the table when she heard voices coming from downstairs in the kitchen.

As quietly as she could, and as carefully (her hip was quite painful) she walked as close as she could to the top of the stairs to better hear the conversation taking place.

"I just don't know what to do with her anymore, Albus." Minerva sighed.

It only took one sentence for Adara to know what the conversation between her mother and father was regarding. Her mother only used that bitter, exasperated tone when she was speaking to or about Adara. Adara glared at Minerva from her position.

"She never listens, she talks back, and does whatever she wants regardless of the consequences."

"She's a teenager, Minerva. That's what they do."

Minerva gave an exasperated sigh. "Why do you always defend her, Albus? I swear, every time she pulls some sort of stunt, you just sit there and watch while I do all the reprimanding. Are you just so fed up with her that you're beyond the point of caring?"

"Minerva, if I say nothing it's not because I don't care. Because I do care. More than you can imagine. I remain silent because I don't feel that I have the right to lecture her."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Minerva, my daughter is sixteen years old. I haven't spent a whole day with her in over ten years. If I were to count the number of times I've seen her since she started school, it would be less than a handful. So who am I to lecture Adara on how she behaves when I scarcely see her?"

"You are her father, Albus. Merlin, do you think I enjoy having the first words out of my mouth to Adara are ones to scold her? I do it because I have to, Albus." Minerva broke down into tears. "I can't do it alone anymore, Albus. I'm going to snap soon if this keeps up. If Adara would just behave herself like Alberic and Aiden then everything would be fine, but she's the complete opposite. She drinks, she does drugs, she sneaks out of the house in the middle of the night to go god knows where. I'm just lost, Albus. Hell, I don't even know what to feel. Half of me is just furious that she keeps disobeying me, but the other half is relieved. Relieved that I get a moments peace. That I can focus on Aiden and Alberic and not waste my precious time with them scolding a delinquent. That I can laugh and joke around with them and just pretend that my family life is perfect. That even with everything evil going on in this world, there's still a little peace and harmony waiting for me at home. That's impossible with Adara in the picture. She trails poison wherever she goes and I'm just so afraid that Aiden will swallow the poison and grow to resent me as well. S-sometimes I just wish she wasn't my daughter!" Minerva sobbed as Albus wrapped his arms around her, whispering words of comfort.

Adara didn't even bother to try and listen to what her father replied, She got up and ran to her room, but just as she was about to open the door, she turned around and picked up the statue that had fallen on her earlier.

Using all the strength she had, she threw it as hard as she could, missing her parents by just a few inches. The statue shattered as it hit the ground, the loud noise breaking Minerva and Albus apart. Their eyes darted upstairs, spotting Adara. Adara returned their shocked gaze with an icy cold glare before storming off to her room, slamming the door shut.


	10. Chapter 10

~Memory 6~

For what must have been the thousandth time in her life, Adara climbed up to the second floor window in an attempt to sneak in. She was a little drunker than usual and completely unaware of the large amount of noise she was creating. She was, however, aware of the other presence in the room and not at all surprised at the sight behind her.

Sitting on the couch was her mother in her tartan dressing gown, practically shaking with rage. Next to her sat her father, also in his nightclothes wearing an expression that Adara couldn't quite define.

Slowly, her mother stood and made her way towards Adara, her piercing green eyes narrowed in fury. Minerva was about 5'7 while Adara was only 5'3 so Adara couldn't help feeling as though her mother was towering over her as she stepped closet, invading Adara's personal space.

Anyone else would have fled from the sight of Minerva McGonagall on the verge of unleashing her largest amount of anger yet, but not Adara. Her fear of her mother had dissolved years ago. The constant anger directed at her had given her a bit of immunity against it so she was certain that tonight wouldn't be much different than any other night. Little did she know that for once, her mother would have back up.

"I can't believe you Adara! Is this how it's going to be every night? Having to wait until 3 in the morning until you come back from god knows where drunk and high?!? What kind of example are you setting for your brother?" Minerva moved closer and closer until Adara felt her back hit the wall and her mother's face was about 4 inches apart from her's.

"I would think that even you would have enough sense not to be walking around in the middle of the night while You-Know-Who is at the height of power. I suppose I underestimated your stupidity."

All the pent up anger and pain in Adara united and unleashed itself with a vengeance as she pushed her mother away from her in an effort to breath and walk to the other side of the room. Opposite of both her mother and father.

"You're one to talk about setting an example! You two who are never here and practically abandon us! Face it; you're a failure as a mother!" she bit back

Minerva opened her mouth furiously, but before she had a chance to reply, Albus stepped in, for once. "How dare you! Adara, you have no right to speak to us that way! We are your parents!"

Minerva stared at her husband in shocked, then shot him a small grateful smile. For once, he was actually taking a part in disciplining their children. Adara, on the other hand, felt quite the opposite. She made this obvious by giving him an icy, cold look.

"No you aren't! All you did was fuck each other and got landed with us. You never gave a shit about us! You cared more about the children in Hogwarts than your own!"

Albus looked taken aback, before he looked over his daughter from head to toe. His eyes swept over her red streaked hair, her thick black eyeliner coating her eyes. His eyes narrowed as he noticed her tight black tube top, leaving nothing to the imagination and her short, tight black skirt, accessorized with boots. By the time his eyes returned to her's, the anger and disgust in them was extremely noticible.

"I don't even know you anymore." He said rather coldly.

"You never knew me to begin with." She replied with venom dripping in her voice.

Albus shook his head, completely furious. "So not only do you disregard everything we say and treat us with absolutely no respect, but you also make up horrid lies."

"Lies? Are they lies, father? Prove it. Tell me, what's my favorite color? My favorite food? My favorite animal? My favorite subject? My best friend? My owl's name? My birthday? Hell, do you even know my whole name?"

Albus stared at his daughter in shock. For in all honesty, her truly didn't know the answer to any of the questions. However, rather then admitting that he was a poor father, he chose to fight back, completely unaware that his next few words to her would be his last to her. Ever.

"That's enough! You will apologize to your mother and me and go to bed!"

"No, that's it. I've had enough with this shit. I'm leaving!" Adara called out as she rushed down the stairs. Albus and Minerva followed right behind her.

"Oh? And where will you go?" asked Minerva, smirking slightly.

"Anywhere! Anywhere is better than this hell hole!" Adara pulled out her wand, summoning her trunk and all her belongings. She walked over to the door and opened it, turning around to say one last thing to her parents.

"One good thing came out of being your daughter. While the rest of the world sees you as a hero and their savior, I know the truth. You're nothing but a bastard!"

She pointed to her mother.  
"And she is your prize." She glared at them one last time and left, slamming the door shut in their stunned faces.


	11. Chapter 11

Harry, Albus, and Kingsley emerged from the pensieve, still shaking from what they had just witnessed. Adara was curled on the couch, shaking a little, but much more composed than she was earlier. Most likely from the effect of the glass of vodka on the coffee table and the bottle next to it that was two thirds empty.

Aiden opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by Adara. "Just go. Please, all of you. Leave me be."

Aiden still tried to say something but Kingsley nudged him to the door along with Harry, earning a small smile of gratitude from Adara. Alberic remained standing, his expression much softer than it had been earlier.

"This might not have been the point, Adara, but I saw both sides of the coin in the pensieve." Adara opened her mouth in protest, but Alberic stopped her. "I'm not denying that you had a rough childhood, Adara. None of us had it perfect. Clearly, you had the worst of it though. That I truly understand now. But I don't think you noticed that mum and dad went through just as much pain as you did." He waited for Adara to respond but she didn't.

Alberic walked over to the door, turning around one last time to his sister whose gaze was now fixed on the bottle of vodka. "I'm not telling you to do anything Adara. Merely begging. I don't expect you to change your mind about reconciling with Mother but I truly hope you do and if so, you know where to find us. My door is always open."

He looked at her for a while, before suddenly walking over to her and wrapping his arms tightly around her. At first, Adara stiffened, but then soon relaxed and returned the hug. "I can't promise that everything will be fine and we'll all live happily ever after. But I can promise that the moment you walk through the door you'll find many pairs of arms waiting to welcome you home." Adara's teary blue eyes locked with his green eyes. "Just think about it, alright?" he asked softly.

Adara slowly nodded, a few tears making its way down her face as she watched her brother walk out.

Outside, Kingsley stood near the door, waiting for Alberic.

"Where's Harry and Aiden?" asked Alberic as he looked around for his younger brother and the teenager.

"Aiden apparated Harry back to the Burrow. He thought it was getting quite late and that would be worried." Kingsley replied in his deep calming voice.

Alberic glanced at his watch, notcing the time. "Yes, it is quite late. I've no doubt that will be fawning over Harry the moment he steps through the door. Honestly, the way she treats him, you'd think-" But the words died on his lips as he noticed Kingsley staring longingly at the door.

"You really love her, don't you?" asked Alberic softly.

Kingsley nodded slowly, his eyes getting a bit moist.

"Mind if I ask what happened between you two?"

Kingsley sighed. "I fought many battles by Adara's side and won every single one. However, she faced an inner battle deep inside herself everyday. One that I couldn't help her fight. Each time I tried, she pushed me away. Further and further until I was shut out completely."

"I-I'm sorry Shacklebolt. I had no idea."

Kingsley nodded slowly, lost in his thoughts and memories. "Don't worry about it. It's the past and what is done is done. Instead, think about what you will do when Adara comes to reconcile with your mother."

Alberic sighed. "Assuming she'll come at all."

"She will, don't worry. You just can't keep badgering her about it. You've got to let her come on her own. She loathes taking orders from someone else." Kingsley smiled fondly. "That's why she makes such a great Captain. While many aurors fight using only their mind and skills, she always remembers to follow her heart as well."

Alberic nodded, completely blown away at how the taller man knew his sister so much. Probably much more than anyone else knew her. "Would you care to join me for a drink?"

Kingsley shook his head. "Thank you, but I must decline. There's somewhere I must be."

Alberic nodded and patted the man on the back. "Take care Kingsley. I suppose I'll see you around." In a blink of an eye he was gone.

Kingsley stared at the flat one last time, fighting the urge to rush in there and comfort Adara. Instead, he blew a kiss towards her and apparated away.


	12. Chapter 12

~Chapter 6~

I was numb. I couldn't feel anything. Not the unusually cold air hitting me with its icy wrath, not the newly acquired stinging pain from the slashes of my arms, nothing. The only thing I felt was the tsunami of decade's worth of pain, anger, and disappointment tearing me apart from inside out. I don't remember how I made my journey. Not how I managed to abandon the nearly empty bottle of vodka, nor how I managed to apparate and walk the remaining miles. All I remember was reaching my destination: the white tomb.

Stumbling slightly I made my way to my father's grave to say all the things I should have said so long ago. I pause for a moment, taking a deep breath. "I have to stay strong" I say to myself. "I won't let him break me. Not again."

"Well you miserable bastard, you got your wish. I made the first move. I came running back to you. But you don't care, do you? You never did."

_**I will not make**_

_**The same mistakes that you did**_

_**I will not let myself **_

_**Cause my heart so much misery**_

"You and mother were wrong. I'm not a complete screw up. I really do have a career. I'm an auror. Ironic isn't it? Me, someone who hated her parents for dedicating themselves to their careers, chose a job that requires complete dedication. But I'm not like you."

I will not break

_**The way you did**_

You fell so hard

_**I learned the hard way**_

_**To never let it get that far**_

"I know I can't have both worlds. I know I can't spend the day chasing dark wizards and still come home every night to spend time with my husband and play with my children. I know I can't have that life. You knew you couldn't have that life too. You knew that with your status and your profession, you couldn't possibly have time for a family. That didn't stop you though. You were just so selfish. You didn't care how much emotional and psychological damage you inflicted. Just as long as you had your little outlets for your emotions when the outside world got too tough on you.

I could never put a child through that. That's why Alberic and Aiden's homes are bursting with little ones and sounds of laughter while my home is cold and empty with only the sound of ice clinking in my wine glass to break the silence." I began pacing back and forth, completely engulfed in my thoughts, not taking notice of the tears cascading down my face.

I lose my way

_**And its not too long**_

_**Before you point it out**_

_**I cannot cry**_

_**Because I know its weakness**_

_**In your eyes**_

"You can't say I didn't try to make it work. You know I did. When I was younger, I tried so hard to understand the situation you an mother were in. I did. I really did. I tried to love you even though you were never there. But I couldn't. Aiden and Alberic could. You and mother made it a point to constantly remind me of that. That and how much of a screw up I was and how I was such a disappointment."

I'm forced to fake

_**A smile a laugh**_

_**Everyday of my life**_

_**My heart can't possibly break**_

_**When it wasn't even whole**_

_**To start with**_

"You have no idea how much that affected me. How much everything scarred me. Imagine, your own parents, every child's safe haven, calling you a screw up. I tried not to let you see what it did to me. Just like I tried to forget, That's why I drank and smoked so much. Because for a few blissfull moments, I forgot everything. I also cut myself." I pause in my steps to remove the long, black, fingerless dragon skin gloves I normally wore, revealing dark crimson slashes all over, some old scars, others very recent.

"Everyday I'd add new marks. Not just because I liked the pain, but also because I loved the control cutting gave me. For once in my life, I could control some of the pain being inflicted on me. The relief I gained from cutting was just so overwhelming. It was like the pain from the cuts ate away my inner turmoil, turning it into a pain I could handle. Something I grew to love and to this day, still can't live without. That's how I vent my emotions! Smoking, drinking, and cutting because it's the only way I know how to handle everything!" I drop to my knees, I'm shaking uncontrollable. I lied to myself. I can't stay strong. Not now. Not when I'm living through everything over and over again. I don't know how, but I broke again.

_**I watched you die**_

_**I heard you cry**_

_**Every night**_

_**In your sleep**_

"My earliest memories of you are of you always being to busy. That, and of you slowly withering away, collapsing from the pressures of being the world's greatest wizard. I watched you die slowly inside each time Voldemort killed someone. I watched you become obsessed with finding and stopping him. I heard you cry out at night from nightmares that plagued your mind, collapsing from the weight of the world that rested on your shoulders. I watched as you pushed away Mother, Aiden, and Alberic to wallow in your own self pity and misery only to see them come back and pick up your pieces. But that's all I did. Stand there and watch."

_**I was so young**_

_**You should have known**_

_**Better than to lean on me**_

_**You never thought**_

_**Of anyone else**_

_**You just saw your pain**_

"I'd be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy watching you suffer. You deserved it. With all the shit you put me through. God, I was so young and you leaned on me so much. I used to think that if I was there for you, you'd return the favor and be there for me. But I was wrong. You were there for everyone: the wizarding world, Hogwarts, mother, Aiden, Alberic, but not me. That was what really killed me. That you and mother could dedicate yourselves to saving the world from Voldemort and the well-being of other people's children, but could never seem to spare a minute for your own." By now its all over. Every ounce of my self control and any dignity I might have had before is gone. Every little thought and emotion I had suppressed and bottled up for so long. My volcano, so long held in through various methods had finally unleashed itself completely. So much that I can no longer control myself.

_**And now I cry**_

_**In the middle of the night**_

_**From the same damn thing**_

"I still have nightmares. Horrible dreams where I'm a little girl again and a dark wizard has captured me. The dark wizard gives you a choice: save a Hogwarts student or me. And each time, you choose to save the student, never looking back. But you know what terrifies me the most? The fact that if the situation had come to pass, you would have chosen the Hogwarts student instead of me.

_**Because of you**_

_**I never strayed too far from the sidewalk**_

_**Because of you**_

_**I learned to play on the safe side**_

_**So I don't get hurt**_

"Even after all these years, everything you put me through still haunts my mind. And I don't know how to fix it. I can't ever be in a relationship with someone. Hell, just having friends is a challenge for me.

_**Because of you**_

_**I try my hardest**_

_**Just to forget everything**_

_**Because of you**_

_**I don't know how to let**_

_**Anyone else in**_

"Everyday I try to forget. I've even tried casting memory charms just so I could try and move on. But it didn't work. It was still there, as fresh as ever. And it's not like no ones tried to help me, because they have. So many have tried. Beauxbaton's professors, friends, colleagues, fiancées." My voice breaks on the last word.

_**Because of you**_

_**I'm ashamed of my life**_

_**Because its empty**_

_**Because of you**_

_**I am afraid……**_

"But they can't help me. Especially when I can't trust them. My whole life is a lie. A written lie that you and mother invented with your imagination to protect yourselves from scandals. My parentage, my home, hell, my name is a lie! And what is true about my life is meaningless because all it shows is that my life is empty! How could I make someone understand or believe that? And even if I could, I don't think I could manage sharing all that." I can't breathe. I try over and over to catch my breath but I can't. So much pressure on my chest. Almost as though I'm drowning in my own tears of sorrow. Using all the strength I have left I rise to my feet although I'm swaying dangerously, unable to keep my balance,

"For the first time in my life, I wish you weren't dead. I wish you were still alive, so I could kill you myself." Shakily, I raise my wand at the tomb and am about to fire a spell until a tall figure emerges from behind the bushes, and before I have a chance to react, tackles me to the ground.


	13. Chapter 13

"No! No, let me go! I have to do it! After all the bastard's done to me, he deserves to die!" I sob as I struggle against the unknown person, not at all concerned with who the foe is, but rather what they are preventing me from doing

"Shh," the other person said in his deep, soothing voice. "It's going to be alright, Adara."

I instinctively stiffen and halt my movements as I recognize the voice. I should have known that he'd be here. I shake my head, shoving the thoughts to the back of my mind as I focus on the real reason I came to this bastard's resting place. "No, Kingsley, you don't understand! I have to kill him! He has to pay for what he's done!!"

"Adara, he's already dead." Kingsley begins to rub my back soothingly. I sigh a tone of anguish and defeat as I give up and allow him to comfort me.

"It's not fair. After all the hell I went through, I should have been the one to kill him." I whisper to Kingsley as he brushes the hair away from my eyes.

"No, you wouldn't have killed him." Kingsley replies in his normal soothing tone he often used to lull me to sleep when we were together.

I pull away harshly and glare at Kingsley. "How the hell would you know?"

"Because I know you, Adara. You could never kill another human being, no matter what they've done. And even though you'll never admit it, deep down inside, you loved your father, just as much as you love your mother." He says calmly, not at all concerned by the slight shaking of the ground beneath us due to my lack of control over my magic as of this moment of emotional frenzy.

I sigh in exasperation and take several breaths to calm myself and halt the shaking. "Why are you here, Kingsley?" I ask, genuinely curious. We had gone our separate ways five years ago and every workplace encounter since then had been as brief and professional as possible.

Kingsley waits a moment before answering. "Do you remember when I asked you to marry me?"

I slowly nod, trying to keep my expression neutral. It's bad enough he's had to witness me in such emotional and vulnerable states.

"I told you that I would go to hell and back again just to see you smile. I daresay that reuniting the Dumbledore family with that fiery temper and stubborn genes is in the same rank."

I can't help but give a small smile at his sad attempt at a joke. No matter how hard this man tries, he can't be funny, although every now and then he makes his sorry attempts at humor.

Kingsley returns her smile, much more widely, with love and adoration evident in his eyes. "That's not quite the smile I'm looking for, but it's a start."

My face becomes serious again. "Seriously Kingsley. Why are you here?"

Kingsley carefully reaches for my hand. I fight my first instinct to pull away and flee and allow him to continue his loving gesture. When he sees that I didn't immediately pull away, he covers my hand with both of his hands, holding it securely and looks into my eyes. "When I first laid eyes on you, you took my breath away and as well as my heart. To my amazement, you returned my affection and gave me your heart in return. When you broke off our engagement, you took your heart back. But you still kept mine, just as you always will. All I want is for you to be happy. For you to have the greatest joy possible in your life, even if I'm not apart of it."

I stare into his deep brown eyes, searching for truth and honesty. It was unnecessary since Kingsley's love for me was evident in every little thing he did. I want to let him into my walls so badly and tell him that he's kept my heart just as long as I've held his, but I can't. At least not now. The timing isn't right.

I release my hand from him and rub at my temple in an effort to halt the throbbing pain, noticing how his face bears a crushed, rejected expression, for he assumes that I honestly no longer care for him. This is not the case at all so I squeeze his hand gently, delighting in the smile I receive.

"Kingsley it's been too long. What the hell do I say to her?"

"Anything. Everything. Tell her all the things you told your father. But…. perhaps in a calmer manner."

I give him a small smile. A genuine one.

"I can't promise you that the outcome of a confrontation will be a happy one. For all I know it could make things worse. But whatever the outcome, you'll regret not talking to your mother even more."

I remain silent, Lost in her thoughts.

Kingsley places his hand under my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. "It's your decision, love. And I will stand by you no matter what you decide." My heart melts at his declaration but I resist the urge to run into his arms. Instead I focus my attention at the matter at hand.

"I want to go home." I answer a few moments later, noticing how Kingsley's face falls for he assumes I've given up.

"Alright darling. Here, I've got a port key. We'll be able to get to your flat from her without any problems-"

"No," I shake my head interrupting him "Not my flat. Home. As in, Dumbledore Manor."


	14. Chapter 14

AN: Alright so taking a little break from Adara's angsty, everlasting depression to go into a more neutral zone. Enjoys!

~Chapter 8~

Adara took a deep breath as she stared at Dumbledore Manor, anxiously awaiting what was about to come. Kingsley stood beside her, marveling at the similarities between Adara and Dumbledore Manor. Both were breathtakingly beautiful on the outside, but plagued with dark, painful memories inside. Whispering words of comfort, he wrapped his arm around her and led her inside.

Alberic stared into the fireplace intently, deep in thought. His gaze broke immediately when they noticed Adara and Kingsley.

"Where is she?" Adara asked softly.

Alberic stood and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, leading her up the stairs towards her parent's chambers. Adara gazed around at the familiar house, tears welling in her eyes as she recalled a few more memories. The door to her parent's chamber opened, and Aiden stepped out.

"Adara!" he gasped as he engulfed her in yet another bone crushing hug. Adara winced. As glad as she was to be back in her brother's lives, Aiden's habit of giving out enormous, painful hugs was getting to be really annoying.

After a good three minutes of just standing there hugging, Alberic stepped in, gently prying Adara away from Aiden's death-grip. "Alright, that's enough. Aiden. Aiden, for Merlin's sake get a grip. You won't be doing anyone a favor if you snap Adara in half."

Reluctantly, Aiden released Adara, patting her on the back on last time before going downstairs. Alberic stared at Adara a minute, before smiling softly at her and giving her a smaller, more gentle hug, which Adara accepted and returned. "Be sure to knock first. It's been sixteen years. You might just end up giving her a heart attack." He cautioned before following their younger brother down the stairs.

Adara took a deep breath in an effort to calm all the emotions running through her, and knocked timidly on the door, precisely three times (an old habit of her's).

"Come In," she heard her mother's familiar voice call out weakly.


	15. Chapter 15

Part 1:

Adara stepped into the room, glancing around at the familiarity. Her mother was in her tartan dressing gown, staring out the window with her back to the door. "For the last time, I'm not hung-?" She turned around, stunned at the sight before her.

"A-Adara?" she gasped, clutching her chest. She blinked several times to ensure that she wasn't delirious. When she was sure, she walked across the room, a bit closer to Adara. She swept her eyes over Adara, thoroughly impressed by what she saw. Adara had carried on some of her teenage style into adulthood. She still wore the black eyeliner, all black clothing, and fishnet gloves/stockings, but it was much more mature, and quite becoming on her.

Acting completely on impulse, Minerva glided across the room and engulfed Adara in her arms. Adara instinctively stiffened, but unlike her previous embraces she didn't relax, something Minerva was painfully aware of. She let go a moment later and lead Adara over to the sofa on the other side of the room. She sat down, but never broke her wandering gaze over her daughter's appearance. After a moment's hesitation, Adara removed her cloak and laid to the side before sitting down.

For a while, Minerva just sat there and stared at her daughter, fully taking in her appearance, attempting to grasp the concept that this was real, and that this wasn't just another dream. She noticed Adara begin to fidget and broke the silence with the first thought that came to mind. "So what have you been up to?"

Adara stared at her incredulously. "Y-You're kidding, right? I haven't seen you in over sixteen years and that's all you have to say?!?!"

Minerva sighed. "What do you want me to say Adara? I'm sorry?"

"Well it would help." Adara replied dryly.

"Would it? Because I'm getting the impression that no matter how many times I say it, it won't make any difference."

"So you don't regret any of it?" asked Adara, her temper rapidly rising.

"Don't you dare put words in my mouth!" retorted Minerva, the same temper rising to Adara's level. "Because I regret it more than you'll ever know. I know what your childhood was like, I-"

"No! No you don't! You were barely ever there! And when you were, you were always to busy nagging me about something or another."

"Because you were always drunk and high! Sweet Merlin, every time I turned around you were holding a bottle of alcohol in one hand and holding a marijuana pipe in the other! What did you expect me to do?"

"Leave me be! My god, don't you realize that the reason I do any of those things is because of my depression! You and dad were never home, always on some mission to save the world, Alberic was always on some internship or education program. It was just Aiden and me. And its not like we could ever have friends over. At least, the friends I had."

Minerva had every intention of listening to what Adara had to say, except one thing Adara had said had caught her attention, blocking out all the rest of the things Adara had spoken. "What do you mean _do_? Are you saying that even after all these years, you still haven't stopped drinking or smoking?"

Adara stared at her stunned. Clearly her mother hadn't listened to a word she had said. "Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable! I come here to try and work things out with you and instead, you ignore every word I say. Fuck this shit, I'm out of here. I should have known that this wouldn't have worked out. We're just too different."

She glared at her mother before grabbing her cloak and standing.

"Adara, what-what are you doing?" Asked Minerva, taken aback by her daughter's rather ill mannered behavior.

Adara fastened the cloak around her frame and headed over to the door, staring at her mother over her shoulder. "Leaving. You should know. You and Dad were quite the experts at it." But as she opened the door, Minerva came up behind her and slammed it shut bearing a deadly expression. Adara was stunned to feel a small shiver run down her spine at her mother's look.

" Adara, Your father and I never left you, you pushed us away. We made time, Adara. Maybe not as much as we would have liked to have but we did try. We made an effort. We made plans for outings-"

"That never took place and remained plans-" Adara interrupted

"Because of matters beyond our control! We made quality time with the family, you hid away in your room-"

"You sent me there!"

"Because you were drunk or high! Or because you chose to spend the valuable time we had with each other sneering at us!"

"What did you expect? To leave me at home for the majority of the year and have me welcome you with open arms when, or should I say, if you returned?"

"Well it would have been a lovely change from the usual spectacle that greeted us. I would have enjoyed coming home to a daughter who wasn't completely intoxicated or hung-over from the night before." Minerva said dryly.

"And I would have enjoyed a mother who was an actual mother, but we don't get everything we want in life, do we? Now if you'll excuse me I have work-" Minerva grabbed Adara before she could move anywhere and pushed her back onto the sofa, preventing her from leaving.

" Now you listen to me, Adara. I have spent the last sixteen years regretting the day I let you walk out of my life. Not a day has passed without me wondering how you were, what you looked like, if you were happy."

"Bullshit." Adara snarled.

"No, it isn't. Adara, I have waited far too long for this moment. You know that your father and I tried to contact you, to make peace with you. All those letters, all those floo calls you ignored, so don't you dare say that I'm the one ignoring you. I'm trying, Adara. I'm trying to make this work but you have to help me. You've got to make an effort. For once in your life stop pushing me away! Please!" Minerva pleaded with her daughter, unaware of the fact that she was now kneeling before her, truly begging.

Adara rolled her tear filled eyes. "You wouldn't understand."

Minerva cupped Adara's cheek, forcing her to meet her gaze. "Then help me understand." She whispered, tears filling her emerald orbs.

Adara pulled away, unknowingly shifting her glove enough to reveal the crimson slashes, both old and new to a horrified Minerva.


End file.
